The Kidney Question: 10 Strangers Share Honest Answers About Family

A few weeks ago we got an email from an angry customer. They were not pleased with some of the questions in our Are You Sitting Down? Classic Pack. One, in particular, was the kidney question, which is also featured on our homepage. The angry message made us pause a bit. Was this card a misstep? Was the whole game a mistake? Were we the only ones who thought these questions were great, but maybe bizarre, conversation starters?

Before overreacting and shutting down the company, we turned to some light market research. We asked 10 strangers the same questions from the controversial card.

To do that, we found one of those cheapo survey tools online and spent $5 to ask 10 random people in the USA. The answers we got back were expectedly short and lazy, but surprisingly honest. They were also exactly what we needed to make sure we weren't crazy and these actually are some pretty good conversation starters.

Who in your family would you hesitate to give a kidney to?

The responses to the main question on the card ranged from generous to boring to painfully honest. Here are a few highlights:

• "My brother. I love him but our relationship has always been complicated."
• "My uncle with a history of alcoholism. I hate admitting this because it makes me sound cruel but I'd worry whether donating to him would even make a difference." 
• "My husband and my sister. It's complicated because our marriage has been rocky for the past few years."
• "My dad. Our relationship has always been distant, he was mostly unavailable during my childhood."
• "No one. At my age I've learned that family is everything and holding grudges is a waste of the time I have left."

Half of the people surveyed named someone specific they'd hesitate to help, and their reasons ranged from addiction to complicated history and distant relationships. These are all interesting tidbits that lead to deeper, although maybe uncomfortable, conversations with these people.

On the other end, there were three people that said they wouldn't hesitate to give a kidney to anyone in their family. This included two younger respondents and an older guy who'd learned that "holding grudges is a waste of time." You have to wonder what grudges he was holding, and what finally made him let them go.

There was also one person who couldn't answer because they're estranged from their entire family. It's technically a non-answer, but it might be the most interesting one of all because it opens the door to a hundred other questions.

Would you take an experimental organ from a pig or murderer?

The follow-up question took things in a different direction but also had a good mix of answers:

• "I'd take from a murderer if those were my only options."
• "Maybe a pig, but I'd need to know the risks first. I'm open to new medical treatments and I get that it requires people to try it."
• "Yeah if I was dying. I don't think I'd worry about ethics if I was near death."
• "I wouldn't accept either. The risks are unknown, and I don't want to be a medical guinea pig."
• "Yes, absolutely. When you're my age and you've seen friends suffer with organ problems, you gain perspective on what matters."
• "Not sure. This is a really hard question because I want to live but both options seem risky."

This question split people into three camps. There were three people that said they'd take either option if they were dying, which means survival always wins when death is the alternative. We get that.

Then, there were three people rejected both options because they were worried about the risk and experimentation. This opens to the door to many questions on risk-levels, where medical experimentation is warranted or necessary, and other deep, dark topics.

Finally, the remaining four were not fun because they were conflicted and needed more information before deciding. In a real-life playing of our Are You Sitting Down? Classic Pack, we would not allow answers like this.

What all of these answers tells us

Yes, the angry customer wasn't entirely wrong. These questions are sometimes uncomfortable. They force you to reckon with things you might prefer to leave untouched. They make you confront what you'd actually do when faced with weird but maybe impossible choices. But that's exactly the point of the game.

Are You Sitting Down? Classic Pack is designed to make people talk about things that they wouldn't normally talk about but might actually matter. The kidney question isn't really about who you'd save, it is more about love, obligation, resentment, and other complicated emotions within your own family. The follow-up experimental organ question forces you to confront some deeply ethical questions, weigh risks, and decide your own fate.

Sure, these answers were collected from 10 strangers who got paid pennies to fill out a one-minute survey, but it says something about the willingness to talk about unusual topics.  Even the guy who wrote "nope" still answered both questions.

So, back to our frustrated customer: we hear you and we understand that these questions aren't easy. Some people will find them strange. Some will need time to process. Some will think the whole thing is strange. But give it another try and let us know if you change your mind.

We're keeping this card in the pack.